I don’t know if I can stay here anymore

I was talking to a friend last night about everything that has happened with me and he asked me a pointed question. He asked me if I’d thought about spending a year, or more, in New Zealand, to find myself before coming back. Needless to say it stuck with me for a bit. Honestly speaking, I don’t feel like I’m welcome here in Sydney.

Let me clarify, I mean Sydney is a big place, obviously there is going to be someone who likes me enough to put up with me. However, I don’t make friends easily. So losing a considerable bulk of my friend group over a girl is heartbreaking, even more so than the original heartbreak the said girl caused me.

Last Friday I organised a get together of friends, supposed to be a bring your own board games and hang out sort of thing. The only problem is, only one person turned up, and he was the one hosting the event with me. Worst still is the apologises, or lack of that, that I received. I only got maybe three legitimate excuses, one last minute, out of a group of around 12 people. The rest didn’t even reply, or bother to turn up despite saying they would.

It wasn’t like the timing was bad either, I gave everyone the entire day and suggested that they just “drop in when they can”. I am deeply annoyed at this, and unfortunately, I don’t feel like I can play this game anymore.

So it’s probably best I remove myself from the situation completely. And if that means I don’t come back to Sydney, so be it. I hope it doesn’t come to that, because I do like it here.